Sacred Submission

It feels like something almost impossible, to truly surrender to another person. And as I’ve been contemplating this lately, I can begin to see why.

It takes enormous presence, rootedness, and inner maturity to receive something as magnificent as a woman. Not to conquer her, not to possess her, but to create the kind of safety where she naturally unfolds.

And oh, have I met the men who fantasize about dominating women. So many frightened little boys speaking the language of power while having no understanding of what true strength actually is, or of the vastness of the feminine.

Recently someone once again brought up the idea that “women should submit to men,” and I felt myself cringe. Even the wording feels off. I think this is one of the most misunderstood teachings that has echoed through many spiritual traditions.

In Christianity, Eve is said to have been created from Adam’s rib. Throughout history this has often been interpreted as hierarchy instead of interdependence. We all know how patriarchal interpretations, whether in Christianity, Islam, or elsewhere, have repeatedly reduced women rather than honoured them. When power replaces wisdom, sacred teachings become distorted.

And yet… I also feel there is something here worth reclaiming.

For a long time I longed to find a partner to whom I could surrender completely. Years ago I even explored the BDSM scene, partly because I was curious about the dynamics of dominance and submission.

Looking back, I can see that in my own case there was deep trauma that prevented me from ever fully bowing my head to a man. Curiously, with some women I could soften much more easily. Their presence often felt rooted in wisdom rather than in wanting something from me.

With many men, however, I carried the feeling that something was being demanded. My time. My attention. My energy. Give me. Give me. Give me. And when I honoured my boundaries and preserved my space, disappointment or frustration often followed.

Even now I sometimes notice echoes of that same pattern.

Lately I’ve been wondering whether this is also showing me something within myself.

Is this where my relationship with receptivity is asking to be seen?

Because if my energy is primarily organised around giving, it makes sense that I attract people who unconsciously wish to receive. If I could be more available to receiving itself, not from lack, but from openness, I would naturally resonate with people whose joy is also found in giving.

Life moves through both currents. Giving is the outward movement. Receiving is the inward one. Action and being. Exhale and inhale. Neither can exist in isolation for very long before the flow becomes interrupted.

I’ve been learning this for years, and I can honestly say it is still one of my greatest teachers.

My understanding of surrender has also been evolving.

I’ve come to realize that my inability to surrender to anything other than the Divine has probably protected me far more than it has ever limited me. And perhaps that has been the preparation all along.

Because I don’t long to find someone to whom I can surrender.

I long to meet someone who has surrendered, just as deeply, to the same Source.

Then the question is no longer, Who leads?

The real question becomes, What are we both willing to follow?

If the answer is Love, then leadership ceases to be about hierarchy or power. It becomes a dance of listening. Sometimes one leads while the other follows, and then the current naturally shifts. Not because one stands above the other, but because both are listening for the same Voice.

Perhaps this is what sacred submission truly means to me.

Not submitting to another human being, but bowing before God together.

Allowing Love -not fear, not control, not ego-to become the force that shapes our lives and our relationship.

And perhaps that is the only kind of surrender I have ever truly longed for.