Sacred rage

Today I came across a short video in insta about the rage of women and how it has been labeled as hysteria and crazyness. How women need to hide our anger, truth and how we learn from really early on to read the situations, spaces we enter. How this keeps us always in the undercurrent analyzing the possible threats, staying hypervigilant and calculating the possible risk of being beaten or sexually harrased.

This hit somewhere deep in me. It has been coming up for me too. The small child I saw, with the sword and shield, yes. She learned from an early age that the seemigly safe world is not safe for women. Gear up, she learned, If you want to stay alive.

I have been beaten many times. I have been raped and sexually harrased, way too many times. Mostly by people who have been close to me, the people that I had carefully analyzed to be safe. And this has taught me, analyze more, grow more shield and distance. No one is actually safe, it is better to stay alone.

And this has been creating beliefs about myself, the world and other people. Of course. My nervoussystem is always scanning invironments and people. And this is an ultimate way of self perservance.

Can you imagine how it is to live like this? Can you image what it does to your attachment style? The way you form connections? The way one walks the world?

I carry the long lineage of silenced, beaten and sexually assaulted women in my nervous system and dna. I starting to become aware of this rage boiling in me. All the times I have not been able to express myself and speak my truth, all the words and all the energy is stored in my body.

And the ignorance of some men, who actually can be blind to all of this. Some even blaming women of ”being cold” or avoidant, that the fear and anger we carry in our beings is somehow something women choose to feel or better yet choose to feel this as an attack towards men. Wake the fuck up!

It has also been very refreshing to see some men waking up to this reality that women have been enduring for too long. When these corageous me start feeling the pain, the fear and the constant pressure women live. It touches.

No more I’m willing to hide my rage and truth. It feels extremely liberating to start feeling into the layers that my fear of living holds. Through the illumination I can find a way to liberate. I can choose the connections where I don’t need to hide myself and explain the fear that still lingers in my body. It does not move away on command, it moves through safe experiences of expression and through lived freedom.

There is alot of melting to do, but my sacred rage is a perfect furnace for the stuck fear to burn🔥

Thank you all the men out there who are feeling and seeing. Who are in the frontlines. Especially naming Miiska Van Renterghem @velivoima. (Do see his last post in instagram)

Thank you Milla Puolakanaho @millapuolakanaho for waking up something deep in me❤️‍🔥 your recent video was such an inspiration!